Man In The Red Hat
by secretfanficlover
Summary: A simple case of mistaken identity- but what if a criminal mistakes a stripper for a criminal? All because of a red hat...


**This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

* * *

First Aid: RICE Method: Task #3: Compression: Write about two or more people getting close to each other.

Yearly:

Herbology: Mixed Seed: Song: These Boots Are Made For Walkin' - Nancy Sinatra  
Scavenger Hunt: Write a fic inspired by a song

Prompt 417 - [Au] Stripper

365 Words: [Word] Handsome

Monthly:

Mistaken Identity May- Action: Sneezing

Bex's Basement: "What are you doing?" / "What does it look like?" / "Well… I'm still holding out hope that it's not what it looks like."

Amber's Attic: "I'd ask what you're up to, [name], but then it occured to me… I don't care."

Angel's Arcade: 1. Corypheus: (dialogue) "The City*. It was supposed to be golden. It was supposed to be ours.", (word) trapped, (pairing) RemusSirius

Seasonally:

Days of the year: 23rd March: National Puppy Day - Write about Sirius Black

Flower: Lilac - (scenario) Lying to stay out of trouble

Amanda's Challenge: Damon Salvatore - Write about the bad boy type character.

Color: Tomato Red

Quarterly:

Gym: Level 1 Front Planks - Write a fic, with the restriction, No Female Characters

Bi-Monthly:

Pop Figures: Harry Potter- (Emotion) Fear

Magic Kingdom: Aladdin - (Trait) Thief

Word Count: 1388

Bunny belonging to: Liza

Beta: Dumbothepatronus

Warnings: Suggestive Content?

Note: WesternAU, (Muggles)

* * *

"Everyone, welcome Sirius Black to the stage!" the announcer called from backstage into the microphone.

_These boots are made for walking_

_And that's just what they'll do_

_One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you_

The song started, and on walked Sirius, wearing his tomato red cowboy hat, boots, and a red thong. The crowd went wild, and all the ladies were tossing money onto the stage. Sirius focused on the music; he needed the money.

His parents had kicked him out of the house, preferring his younger brother, Regulus. "The son they always wanted" were his father's words. It stung, but it didn't surprise him at all. What did surprise him is that the Black's threw him to the wolves, and didn't care if he made it in the world. His friend, James, had hooked him up with this job. James himself was a bartender; his girlfriend Lily was against him being a stripper. Yet while Sirius knew the money was a lot better as a stripper he longed to find something else to make him feel alive.

After the show, due to many protests from the supporters, he left the hat and the cowboy boots on, pulling on some faded fitted blue jeans and a checkered shirt. He was sitting by the bar after his shift, having a drink and chatting with James, when a handsome man walked in, looking lost.

* * *

_You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'_

_You keep losing when you oughta not bet_

Remus Lupin walked over to the bar, spotting Sirius in his red cowboy hat. Unbeknownst Remus, this man was not the contact he was looking for. Remus Lupin was an infamous criminal, and he was sent to meet up with a contact in a red hat. Meanwhile, at the bar at the other end of town, sat Kingsley Shacklebolt, feeling stupid with his red hat and wondering why his contact never showed up to the bar.

"It seems like you are the man I'm looking for," Remus said, and Sirius wanted to blush. Was this man interested in him? Did he want to book him for a gig? He shared a look with James behind the bar, and at the puzzled expression on his friend's face he decided to stall for time and try to find out the man's intentions.

"I am Remus Lupin," the man introduced himself, holding out his hand for Sirius to shake.

"Sirius Black," he responded, taking the man's hand into his own. The man's hands were rough; he didn't seem like a bar owner—he seemed like one to get his hands dirty.

"Well, I was told you are the best at what you do, and we need the best," Remus said.

"Thank you," Sirius replied. He was getting more and more curious about what this man was after.

"So, the job is a heist. The train will be coming in with diamonds and other jewels, and our job will be to ambush them and take them by surprise," he finally explained.

Oh dear, this man was a criminal! A good looking one, but still a criminal. Remus Lupin had reddish brown hair and a no-care attitude. Sirius had no choice but to follow the man's lead. He couldn't admit to the truth now — he could get himself killed.

"Easy enough," Sirius said, trying to sound confident. Remus chuckled. Sirius seemed confident, and confidence was good.

* * *

The day of the heist came way too soon for Sirius, who had hoped he could lay low and be able to get by without actually taking part in the whole process. When Remus showed up at his house with guns, he knew it was too late to back out now.

"I heard you know your way around a weapon?" Remus said, stroking his glock. The way Remus talked served to cause more curiosity than anything. If he wasn't about to go and rob a train he would have sworn this man was hitting on him. Thankfully for Sirius, his father had been a big supporter of firearms, which at the time had no appeal to him. Sirius did seem to have a natural talent with guns though, so he knew he could handle himself.

Shooting someone? Now that was something he wouldn't be able to do. "I can handle myself," Sirius said, his confidence sounding hollow to his own ears.

"Good good," Remus responded. "Probably not the best part of the job, the killin', but it shouldn't be necessary if we follow the plan."

"Have you killed many people?" Sirius asked. He was in over his head here.

"Honestly, not as many as you," Remus said with a wink. Sirius felt his body tingling at the look on Remus's face, despite his alarming words. Oh gosh, he thinks Sirius has killed people before?

"You are a legend," Remus continued.

_You keep playing where you shouldn't be playing_

_And you keep thinking that you'll never get burnt_

This was it—being a stipper was literally going to mean the death of him. He held onto his weapon like a lifeline, hiding in the bushes behind the man that made his blood rush to other parts of his anatomy. Which is probably the reason he was in this mess in the first place. Sirius sneezed loudly.

"Shhhh," Remus said, looking at him. "The train should be arriving any moment now."

* * *

Sirius counted his lucky stars that everything had gone according to plan, and nobody had gotten shot or hurt in any way. He had gotten his cut of the diamonds, and it seemed like he would probably never see Remus again. He was on his way to skip town with his loot, when the one thing happened that could ruin the fact that Sirius had managed to stay alive, not hurt anyone, and spend time with a gorgeous criminal.

An older man with a beard walked into the bar, straight to where he and Remus were sitting, having one last whiskey for the road. "Albus," Remus said cheerfully. "All went smoothly, as expected."

"I see that, except that this man," he pointed at Sirius, "this man is an imposter."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, suddenly suspicious.

"The contact said you never showed, and following up I found out that this man is, in fact, a stripper at this very bar," Albus said.

Both men were looking at Sirius now, while he was trying his best to disappear before they killed him.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked Sirius, as he could see him trying to sneak off.

"What does it look like?" Sirius responded vaguely, not knowing how he was getting out of this alive.

"Well… I'm still holding out hope that it's not what it looks like," Remus responded.

"It seems like the little rat is trying to run off," Albus said.

"Leave it to me, Albus, I will deal with it," Remus said boldly, a look of fury on his face.

"I'd ask what you're up to, Remus, but then it occurred to me… I don't care," Albus said, letting Remus take care of things.

He took Sirius by the arm and led him to the back alley behind the bar. Sirius was ready to scream when Remus put a hand over his mouth and whispered: "Shhhh."

The calloused hands felt rough over his mouth, but the look in Remus's eyes made him melt. "I will need the loot back," Remus said to him.

"Of course, take it all, just don't kill me," Sirius pleaded.

"Do you believe I'm going to kill you?" Remus asked him.

"Of course," Sirius said, confused at the odd question.

"Good, be quiet," Remus said, letting off three shots into the air.

"Lay low for a while, okay? Albus will be gone soon, and I will come back when the dust settles," Remus continued.

"You're not going to kill me?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"Nah, I like you," Remus said with a bold wink. "I would like to come see your show sometime."

Sirius blushed scarlet at this confession. He knew he hadn't been imagining the glances and flirtatious comments. "I would like that," he confessed.

"You still need to show me your _weapon work_," Remus said, making Sirius feel like perhaps his job had some benefits after all.


End file.
